He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
