You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
