Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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