i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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