Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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