I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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