While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
