There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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