he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
