You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
