The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize