I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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