you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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