Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You pole danced in your parka.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
