How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
