I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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