if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
