Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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