True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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