OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
