Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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