Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
