What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
