Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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