Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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