How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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