my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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