she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im holly from the hills drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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