how can u be prego again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He shit in the fireplace
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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