5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And then my night got REAL pukey
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
