He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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