He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
