I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
