i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
