Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
