had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
