I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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