he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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