he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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