I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
