I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
