another moral hangover. fuck.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
