I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
