Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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