Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
