I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
