I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
