youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
