Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
