I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
