I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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