we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
tell me about the fingering
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