i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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