She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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