Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
