So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
