I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
