saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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