the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
