belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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