Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
