god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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