Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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