This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
