have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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