We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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