I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize