So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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