youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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