He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
