Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
