I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
