Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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