If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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