Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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