I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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