I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
